my grandpa is always making fun of old people he sees like he’s not 85
he goes “wow today was old folks day at olive garden” i was like yeah grandpa that’s why we brought you there at 4:30pm
plot twist: you look in the mirror without criticizing yourself
going back to school after a break is like when you pause a video game to go pee and when you come back you forget how intense and chaotic everything was when you paused it and the second you unpause it all your enemies collectively punch you in the face
do you think when fish get thrown back by fishermen, they swim around yelling about alien abductions and the other fish stop talking to them?
Yeah wtf y’all ain’t that special
when you see your best friend hanging out with someone you hate